i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
