john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
