my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
