woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
