I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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