Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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