I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
