Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
