When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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