Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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