its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
