I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
