I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
