I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
