You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
