I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
