Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
