There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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