I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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