Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
