Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
