I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
