just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
