I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
