I puked a lego.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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