I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
