If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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