Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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