Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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