No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
