she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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