Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
