Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
