I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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