well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
