I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
