Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i came on her dog
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
