Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
