Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
