Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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