Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
