I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
