i love accidental penises.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
