No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
only if we run a train.
done.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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