he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
