Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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