So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
