If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
