dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
