This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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