I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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