she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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