I can tuck mytits in my pants
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
