I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
