Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
