i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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