I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
