you guys were way drunker than both of me
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
