I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
